"Your thoughts are not just wrong- they're unbiblical"

So after processing through on the last post, I was processing even more with an extremely dear (and intelligent) friend of mine. I was coming to the realization that I was struggling with the fact that I didn't want to take advantage of the power of God and I felt like I needed to "work" to build my desire to constantly rely on the Lord, something that I really don't like doing and struggle with daily. I really thought that I didn't want to just ask the Lord to just give me that desire because I thought that that would almost be like cheating. This dear friend, who knows that she has to talk straight with me to really get it looks straight at me and says just that I'm wrong and that's completely unbiblical. (Sounds harsh, but that's what I needed :) )

Seriously- what was I thinking? What part of true christianity is work related and where does it ever even imply that we shouldn't take advantage of the Lord's power? I WAS BELIEVING LIES STRAIGHT FROM THE MOUTH OF THE DEVIL!!! Seriously, that's nuts. I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me and why wouldn't I want to tap into that and use the same power that raised Christ from the dead in my life to fall deeper in love with my savior and follow him daily? I know that that sounds kinda preachy but I don't apologize because it is the truth.

So often if we read the bible we think that that's really cool awesome stories about the amazing awesome disciples and the insanely powerful people that God chose to be with. I often put them up on a huge pedestal and wish I could have been in their shoes... well guess what- sometimes they sucked. Sometimes they didn't trust Jesus when he was standing right in front of them telling them that He was the SON OF GOD! After Jesus was crucified- they didn't even expect to see him again and they were hiding and the women went to go finish preparing his body in the tomb. Don't even get me started with the miracles after Jesus ascended into heaven and the Holy Spirit came on them. The miracles and things that were done was freaking amazing... oh wait...

THAT IS WHO WE ARE.... Even in this present time, it is after Jesus has ascended into Heaven and the Holy Spirit has come upon US... and I'm afraid of asking him to give me a desire to fall head over heals in love with the Lord. I feel like I'm just only BEGINNING to grasp the concept of how completely off our thinking is.

Then I ran across a sermon jam (Click HERE to see it) that someone posted on facebook of a sermon that Matt Chandler did. (Don't you love how God uses facebook to talk to us sometimes... I strongly believe that God uses people's facebooks- it just depends on who will let hit borrow it!) Anyways, so I came across these two verses:

Isaiah 62:6-7:On your walls, O Jerusalem, I have appointed watchmen; All day and all night they will never keep silent, You who remind the LORD, take no rest for yourselves; And give Him no rest until He establishes and makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.

James 4:2: You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

So lets digest shall we... Isaiah 62:6-7 the Lord is speaking and he says that those that are praying to the Lord that they should never keep silent and should be constantly praying to the Lord and not allowing the Lord to rest untill he hears their cries. He WANTS us to ask him for the things that we earnestly desire so much that it bothers him. Matt Chandler put that in a whole new context for me... he WANTS that from us... that blows my mind in such a way that I can't even put it into words. And James 4 suggests to us that if we do ask, that we will get it. I am completely blown away by these.

Man, if only we could realize the power that is inside of us and that we would whole heartedly pursue the Lord and constantly bring our requests to him... I can't even fathom.

And just think I didn't want to "take advantage" of the Lord's power... what a joke.

I don't even know

I often fell inspired to write something inspirational or uplifting- something that God has taught me that I want to share with the world- or those 4 people "following" me... but recently it's been different and sometimes just writing it out helps me process. Don't know if any of this will make sense or where it's going, but here it goes.

Life has been awesome. In the last month life has moved so fast and for the most part I've had nothing to complain about. I've genuinely been happy for the longest amount of time that I can imagine. (The life lesson just hit me. Right now.) I've been happy and loving life and everything was going IMMENSELY well. I got engaged to the most amazing man who loves the Lord. We found a house the first day that we went looking, we have a pastor to marry us, I have a dress that I am in love with that I found at the first store of dress shopping. I was loving living the engaged life with planning and lists and websites and everything that comes with the fun of being newly engaged. School was good- stressful, but good. I was honestly enjoying life for one of the longest periods that I could think of. However (and this is what just hit me) I was living life all by myself. Sure I was surrounded by people- friends were coming out of the woodwork and facebook friends are at one of their all time highs- and I still was attending biblestudy, CRU, overflow, Freshman Council, having a regular "quiet time" and all of my other "Christian Activities" but where was I really spending time with the Lord?- (Please note that my "quiet times" were often spent distracted or just lost in a trance with my "to-do" list spinning in my head).

Last week I got some news that completely made part of "my world" as I knew it come crashing down around me. Respecting those involved, I will not go into any detail about it, but in my head I knew that God had a purpose and a plan for what was happening, but I did not want to accept it. I didn't want to know that it was all going to be ok. I was so angry and I stayed that way for about 2 1/2 days and still I am dealing and coping with what is happening. During this process I am slowly beginning to realize that I am back to trying to live my life the way that I want to and becoming selfish again (Shocker I know). It's this continuing cycle that I wish that I could jump off of and start going in another direction, but I just keep continuing on.

Do you ever wish that God would just give you this crazy passion to rely on Him? Yep, it's a often one for me. I sometimes try to blame God for not giving me a desire to give everything up to him. How freakishly selfish is that. I want to reap the benefits of fully chasing after the Lord, I just don't want the work of actually doing it. I want the prize without having to run the race. I want to want to run the race- and not only that- I want to want to do the training and all of the hard work before the race. I want to be able to KNOW that I will run the race well.

I know that this will only come with the power and self discipline that the Lord has fully equipped me with. I just need to take hold of it and actually apply what the Lord has given me to my life. If only I fully grasped how simple that was.

"For God did not give you a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

I LOVE MY JOB!

Sitting at work today- looking at the truckin' thursday blog- and about to post a link to it on facebook- I typed four real simple words.

I love my job.

To some that is just 4 words forming a sentence. Others use it as a motivation repeated multiple times in the most sarcastic ways as possible just to get through a hard day. For me it is neither just a sentence and it is in absolutely no way sarcastic, but one of the most serious and genuine things that I can say.

It started out as the Sky Ranch Summer Staff theme of 2010 and a motivation to keep going somedays that being at the ranch was the hardest thing in the world to do- but in no way was it sarcastic. We used it to remember that we're working to finish strong and to know that we're going to have rough times, but we ultimately love our jobs and are working towards the end goal and the impact that the Lord makes in the kids lives at camp. As I wrote those words I realized that I no longer had a job at Sky and I would most likely never have a job at sky again and I thought about deleting the words from the page... then it hit me- my job at the ranch is not the job that I love.

The love that I have for Sky Ranch is because I love the job that the Lord has given to me and placed on my heart- the job of loving people and telling them about the Lord. Sky Ranch is the tool for which I was able to use for the duration of three of my summers- and I love the place of Sky Ranch, but my love for my job does not rest in the ranch. My job extends way past the ranch.

My job is to take the relationships and contacts that the Lord has given to me (with a lot of them being through Sky Ranch) and taking and nourishing and strengthening them while pointing them towards the Lord. I love my job.

I had an awesome conversation this morning with one of my co-counselors and those conversations are something that I can't even begin to describe how precious they are to me. I love the intimacy and honesty that we are able to have with one another and the encouragement that is able to come from that. Just another aspect of my job that I love- being able to work with people that want to love the Lord as well and work along side you. I love my job.

Facebook is amazing. I love that I can still know what is going on in many of my campers lives. Whenever one of them pops up on my news feed, I love being able to share in their joys and sorrows and encourage them or point them back in the direction of Christ when I need to. I hope that I am able to live in a way that is encouraging to them and they know that sometimes its hard, but that it's totally worth living for Jesus Christ and pursuing Him with your life. I love answering questions! I hope any camper I had in a cabin has heard me say that at least 3 times each- because I love them- it challenges me in becoming firm in what I believe and I hope that I can try to explain what I believe in a way that helps others become more firm in what they believe. Man, I love my job.

I am not working at Sky- but I have had the awesome opportunity to be able to work somewhere where I will still have the opportunity to be around kids and teach them about God and the awesome things that He has done for them and how much He loves them- no matter what. I can work around staff that will be so much fun and I love. I am off for an adventure and I'm ready for it. I love my job, and although it's at a new place, with different people, and a different company, and everything is very different- it's still a part of my job.


I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

Hi, My Name's Breanna- And I'm Selfish and a Control Freak.

Man, I'm selfish.

I think of all that I have and everything that I've been blessed with and somehow I still end up not content and doubting that God can provide for me. Seriously?!?! What life am I looking at cause I have an amazing life and most of it I take for granted and often times abuse.

I have an amazing family, awesome friends, a fabulous boyfriend, more people to love me than I could ever count, a roof over my head, I've never been hungry to the point of starving, I have a car (with a radio and air conditioning), a job with a flexible schedule, I'm getting a great education, involved with an awesome ministry, and so much more. But why do I go and complain about God not providing what I "need" and when I need it?!?! I am so selfish.

Then I also think about the abundance that I have that I keep for myself and do not allow other to have. Through meeting with my awesome friend and mentor and some challenging questions I realized that TIME is a huge thing that I tend to have quite a bit of compared to other people, but I keep most of it for myself. I sit at work and "Facebook stalk", send emails, and watch mindless TV and youTube videos. What the crap! There are people struggling and literally not having enough time in the day because they are serving the Lord and I complain that I have to do any homework outside of work/class when I sit and do nothing but Facebook and don't even spend my time wisely.

Last week at church there was a guest speaker named Mark who talked on the church and what it should be and what we have made it to be. Acts 4:32 "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common." Why don't we behave like this anymore? Oh yeah, cause there are too many people like me in this world who are too selfish to step back and realize that they are ridiculous. People think about the awesome things that were happening in Acts and wonder why the church is not like it was then... well if anyone actually decided to live with this mindset, it would totally work. Mark kept saying that we would no longer have to go knocking door to door to evangelize if the church acted like it was intended to act- they would be knocking on our doors.

Then last night in my bible study we talked about encouragement. How much more do you think we would be encouraged if the church really acted like it was supposed to? If we constantly were taken care of, and were taking care of others, and people were coming to know the Lord personally daily... Man, I would be a different person. Now I'm not saying that we all need to go combine our bank accounts and just live off each other... cause man is so screwed up that no matter how much we wish that would work, it wouldn't obviously... but I am saying that we have been insanely blessed and when we share our wealth to further the kingdom of God, we encourage others as well as being encouraged ourselves. It's a win-win :)

This past week I was in a complete slump with my mood. I wanted to be on my own a lot and not around people. I wasn't happy, and went from this mood of just blah, to angry to back to blah. After much thought it hit me. I was stressed and didn't WANT to trust God. I always know that when I start getting stressed because I try to take on all of my concerns and worries and not let God control them. I am a control freak. I often think of this real simple- and yet insanely profound- thing that I was told once. During a massive freak out and not knowing how to calm down I was simply looked in the face and told "Your (heavenly) Father is the Maker of the Universe." Now if that doesn't put things into prospective I don't know what will for you.

With that saying comes a lot of the lessons that I taught for 13 weeks at Sky Ranch this summer. We talked a lot about being the Daughter of the King and the weight and responsibility that comes with having a heart of Nobility (and devotion, virtue, and wisdom!) We have to know that our maker is the creator of the universe and like the PERFECT Dad that he is, He's going to take us and provide and protect us. When someone comes and asks us for help, it brings us so much more joy than just doing it. I believe that it's because when they ask- we know that it's cause they trust us and believe in us enough to do it and do it to the best of our ability. God is going to protect us and provide for us no matter what, but when we ask- I believe it brings him joy because of these same reasons. We have faith in him and truly believe that He's going to do these things way better than we could ever have. I know that He enjoys helping us- so why don't we let him?

I have not been financially blessed in comparison to some others around me. But I have been blessed beyond words in so many other ways. I believe that by not having an abundance of money, I am able to bring God joy when I retreat to Him and know that He is going to provide exactly what I need.

Hi, My Name is Breanna and I am selfish and a control freak- but I am trying to encourage others with what I do have and bring joy to my Heavenly Father by relying on him and not myself.

Home Sweet Home

Yes, for this week, I am THAT student that the professors warn you so much about and tell you not to be, but the more you think about it, the more you actually want to be...

I am THAT student that goes home the weekend before Thanksgiving break and doesn't come back for classes Monday and Tuesday. And I'm LOVING being THAT student :) Sorry profs :)

I didn't know if I was going to be able to or not, but then my lovely friends informed me that my other lovely friend was coming to north dallas today- so I jumped on that and before I knew it I was heading to Plano- my home for the first 18 years of my life.

I really think this might have been one of the most excited times I was to come home. I was literally bouncing waiting for my ride and waiting on the edge of my seat just wanting her to get there so that we could begin the 4 hour drive south and I could get home. Normally I'm excited to go home, but this time I couldnt' contain myself.

The Lord has blessed me immensely with the love of an incredible family that loves the Lord with all their hearts and I could not be more thankful for that. We're off to church in the morning and I can't wait to see what the Lord has to teach me this week.

Before I went to bed tonight I did something that I've not done in YEARS. My dad had braided my hair earlier, and with a loose braid in my hair and a huge t-shirt on, I went around to everyone in my house and I said goodnight to each of them individually and gave them a hug. I didn't realize how much I absolutely miss this! My mom and dad are two of the people I look up to the most in my family and I love being in the same house as them. They are an inspiration in my life and I can't say that enough...

The older I get the more I realize how much I appreciate them. I think someone once told me that would happen and I didn't listen. Well who ever that was- you're right and I'm wrong. I'm sorry. I was just a little kid who thought I knew everything, which translates as I was stupid. :)

Just Sayin ;)

I am a blogger... oh my gosh...

So I never thought this day would come.

I really don't know if anyone is even going to read this, and I honestly don't even care, but I'm just throwing it out there.

I'm not funny. I don't have profound wisdom. I don't have the meaning to life. All of these being reasons for a complete failure of a blog- but that's ok, cause this isn't for you. This is for me and for me to keep in mind what is really important in life.

Some people process mentally, some process verbally, and I honestly think that I process when I see it all written out in front of me and since my journal has six pages left on it and I'm a poor college student... I'm going paperless and putting it on the web!I think that such freedom comes from putting it all out there.

Some things you should know if you're going to read this:

• I am blunt. I'm not going to sugar coat things, I'm going to tell it like it is- or at least how I think it is... If you don't like it, sorry.
• I like to add lots of "..." s and "-"s , I don't know when it is grammatically correct to use them (if ever), so I'm sorry if they bother you... what can I say, I'm my mother's child :)
• I love my family- this includes my biological family, my church family, my school family, my CRU family, my Sky Ranch family and every other family that I have... I love them and I can't believe the Lord has blessed me so much with such amazing people in my life. It's kinda like taylor swift writing songs about everyone in her life... if you come into my life, don't be surprised if you end up on the blog (especially if you mess with one of them... then it's REALLY on!) ;)
• Lastly, I try to live in a way my life is completely devoted to the Lord. I have a growing relationship with the Lord who I believe died for my sins on the cross and rose again three days later defeating death. Because of that I am saved and will spend eternity in His presence praising him. And I'm SO excited about it. :)

If you can accept those things, I think we're good to go. I have no idea how often I'll update this, or how exciting it will be, but it's going to be fun... I'm just sayin :)