I think of all that I have and everything that I've been blessed with and somehow I still end up not content and doubting that God can provide for me. Seriously?!?! What life am I looking at cause I have an amazing life and most of it I take for granted and often times abuse.
I have an amazing family, awesome friends, a fabulous boyfriend, more people to love me than I could ever count, a roof over my head, I've never been hungry to the point of starving, I have a car (with a radio and air conditioning), a job with a flexible schedule, I'm getting a great education, involved with an awesome ministry, and so much more. But why do I go and complain about God not providing what I "need" and when I need it?!?! I am so selfish.
Then I also think about the abundance that I have that I keep for myself and do not allow other to have. Through meeting with my awesome friend and mentor and some challenging questions I realized that TIME is a huge thing that I tend to have quite a bit of compared to other people, but I keep most of it for myself. I sit at work and "Facebook stalk", send emails, and watch mindless TV and youTube videos. What the crap! There are people struggling and literally not having enough time in the day because they are serving the Lord and I complain that I have to do any homework outside of work/class when I sit and do nothing but Facebook and don't even spend my time wisely.
Last week at church there was a guest speaker named Mark who talked on the church and what it should be and what we have made it to be. Acts 4:32 "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common." Why don't we behave like this anymore? Oh yeah, cause there are too many people like me in this world who are too selfish to step back and realize that they are ridiculous. People think about the awesome things that were happening in Acts and wonder why the church is not like it was then... well if anyone actually decided to live with this mindset, it would totally work. Mark kept saying that we would no longer have to go knocking door to door to evangelize if the church acted like it was intended to act- they would be knocking on our doors.
Then last night in my bible study we talked about encouragement. How much more do you think we would be encouraged if the church really acted like it was supposed to? If we constantly were taken care of, and were taking care of others, and people were coming to know the Lord personally daily... Man, I would be a different person. Now I'm not saying that we all need to go combine our bank accounts and just live off each other... cause man is so screwed up that no matter how much we wish that would work, it wouldn't obviously... but I am saying that we have been insanely blessed and when we share our wealth to further the kingdom of God, we encourage others as well as being encouraged ourselves. It's a win-win :)
This past week I was in a complete slump with my mood. I wanted to be on my own a lot and not around people. I wasn't happy, and went from this mood of just blah, to angry to back to blah. After much thought it hit me. I was stressed and didn't WANT to trust God. I always know that when I start getting stressed because I try to take on all of my concerns and worries and not let God control them. I am a control freak. I often think of this real simple- and yet insanely profound- thing that I was told once. During a massive freak out and not knowing how to calm down I was simply looked in the face and told "Your (heavenly) Father is the Maker of the Universe." Now if that doesn't put things into prospective I don't know what will for you.
With that saying comes a lot of the lessons that I taught for 13 weeks at Sky Ranch this summer. We talked a lot about being the Daughter of the King and the weight and responsibility that comes with having a heart of Nobility (and devotion, virtue, and wisdom!) We have to know that our maker is the creator of the universe and like the PERFECT Dad that he is, He's going to take us and provide and protect us. When someone comes and asks us for help, it brings us so much more joy than just doing it. I believe that it's because when they ask- we know that it's cause they trust us and believe in us enough to do it and do it to the best of our ability. God is going to protect us and provide for us no matter what, but when we ask- I believe it brings him joy because of these same reasons. We have faith in him and truly believe that He's going to do these things way better than we could ever have. I know that He enjoys helping us- so why don't we let him?
I have not been financially blessed in comparison to some others around me. But I have been blessed beyond words in so many other ways. I believe that by not having an abundance of money, I am able to bring God joy when I retreat to Him and know that He is going to provide exactly what I need.
Hi, My Name is Breanna and I am selfish and a control freak- but I am trying to encourage others with what I do have and bring joy to my Heavenly Father by relying on him and not myself.
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