Hi, My Name's Breanna- And I'm Selfish and a Control Freak.

Man, I'm selfish.

I think of all that I have and everything that I've been blessed with and somehow I still end up not content and doubting that God can provide for me. Seriously?!?! What life am I looking at cause I have an amazing life and most of it I take for granted and often times abuse.

I have an amazing family, awesome friends, a fabulous boyfriend, more people to love me than I could ever count, a roof over my head, I've never been hungry to the point of starving, I have a car (with a radio and air conditioning), a job with a flexible schedule, I'm getting a great education, involved with an awesome ministry, and so much more. But why do I go and complain about God not providing what I "need" and when I need it?!?! I am so selfish.

Then I also think about the abundance that I have that I keep for myself and do not allow other to have. Through meeting with my awesome friend and mentor and some challenging questions I realized that TIME is a huge thing that I tend to have quite a bit of compared to other people, but I keep most of it for myself. I sit at work and "Facebook stalk", send emails, and watch mindless TV and youTube videos. What the crap! There are people struggling and literally not having enough time in the day because they are serving the Lord and I complain that I have to do any homework outside of work/class when I sit and do nothing but Facebook and don't even spend my time wisely.

Last week at church there was a guest speaker named Mark who talked on the church and what it should be and what we have made it to be. Acts 4:32 "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common." Why don't we behave like this anymore? Oh yeah, cause there are too many people like me in this world who are too selfish to step back and realize that they are ridiculous. People think about the awesome things that were happening in Acts and wonder why the church is not like it was then... well if anyone actually decided to live with this mindset, it would totally work. Mark kept saying that we would no longer have to go knocking door to door to evangelize if the church acted like it was intended to act- they would be knocking on our doors.

Then last night in my bible study we talked about encouragement. How much more do you think we would be encouraged if the church really acted like it was supposed to? If we constantly were taken care of, and were taking care of others, and people were coming to know the Lord personally daily... Man, I would be a different person. Now I'm not saying that we all need to go combine our bank accounts and just live off each other... cause man is so screwed up that no matter how much we wish that would work, it wouldn't obviously... but I am saying that we have been insanely blessed and when we share our wealth to further the kingdom of God, we encourage others as well as being encouraged ourselves. It's a win-win :)

This past week I was in a complete slump with my mood. I wanted to be on my own a lot and not around people. I wasn't happy, and went from this mood of just blah, to angry to back to blah. After much thought it hit me. I was stressed and didn't WANT to trust God. I always know that when I start getting stressed because I try to take on all of my concerns and worries and not let God control them. I am a control freak. I often think of this real simple- and yet insanely profound- thing that I was told once. During a massive freak out and not knowing how to calm down I was simply looked in the face and told "Your (heavenly) Father is the Maker of the Universe." Now if that doesn't put things into prospective I don't know what will for you.

With that saying comes a lot of the lessons that I taught for 13 weeks at Sky Ranch this summer. We talked a lot about being the Daughter of the King and the weight and responsibility that comes with having a heart of Nobility (and devotion, virtue, and wisdom!) We have to know that our maker is the creator of the universe and like the PERFECT Dad that he is, He's going to take us and provide and protect us. When someone comes and asks us for help, it brings us so much more joy than just doing it. I believe that it's because when they ask- we know that it's cause they trust us and believe in us enough to do it and do it to the best of our ability. God is going to protect us and provide for us no matter what, but when we ask- I believe it brings him joy because of these same reasons. We have faith in him and truly believe that He's going to do these things way better than we could ever have. I know that He enjoys helping us- so why don't we let him?

I have not been financially blessed in comparison to some others around me. But I have been blessed beyond words in so many other ways. I believe that by not having an abundance of money, I am able to bring God joy when I retreat to Him and know that He is going to provide exactly what I need.

Hi, My Name is Breanna and I am selfish and a control freak- but I am trying to encourage others with what I do have and bring joy to my Heavenly Father by relying on him and not myself.

Home Sweet Home

Yes, for this week, I am THAT student that the professors warn you so much about and tell you not to be, but the more you think about it, the more you actually want to be...

I am THAT student that goes home the weekend before Thanksgiving break and doesn't come back for classes Monday and Tuesday. And I'm LOVING being THAT student :) Sorry profs :)

I didn't know if I was going to be able to or not, but then my lovely friends informed me that my other lovely friend was coming to north dallas today- so I jumped on that and before I knew it I was heading to Plano- my home for the first 18 years of my life.

I really think this might have been one of the most excited times I was to come home. I was literally bouncing waiting for my ride and waiting on the edge of my seat just wanting her to get there so that we could begin the 4 hour drive south and I could get home. Normally I'm excited to go home, but this time I couldnt' contain myself.

The Lord has blessed me immensely with the love of an incredible family that loves the Lord with all their hearts and I could not be more thankful for that. We're off to church in the morning and I can't wait to see what the Lord has to teach me this week.

Before I went to bed tonight I did something that I've not done in YEARS. My dad had braided my hair earlier, and with a loose braid in my hair and a huge t-shirt on, I went around to everyone in my house and I said goodnight to each of them individually and gave them a hug. I didn't realize how much I absolutely miss this! My mom and dad are two of the people I look up to the most in my family and I love being in the same house as them. They are an inspiration in my life and I can't say that enough...

The older I get the more I realize how much I appreciate them. I think someone once told me that would happen and I didn't listen. Well who ever that was- you're right and I'm wrong. I'm sorry. I was just a little kid who thought I knew everything, which translates as I was stupid. :)

Just Sayin ;)

I am a blogger... oh my gosh...

So I never thought this day would come.

I really don't know if anyone is even going to read this, and I honestly don't even care, but I'm just throwing it out there.

I'm not funny. I don't have profound wisdom. I don't have the meaning to life. All of these being reasons for a complete failure of a blog- but that's ok, cause this isn't for you. This is for me and for me to keep in mind what is really important in life.

Some people process mentally, some process verbally, and I honestly think that I process when I see it all written out in front of me and since my journal has six pages left on it and I'm a poor college student... I'm going paperless and putting it on the web!I think that such freedom comes from putting it all out there.

Some things you should know if you're going to read this:

• I am blunt. I'm not going to sugar coat things, I'm going to tell it like it is- or at least how I think it is... If you don't like it, sorry.
• I like to add lots of "..." s and "-"s , I don't know when it is grammatically correct to use them (if ever), so I'm sorry if they bother you... what can I say, I'm my mother's child :)
• I love my family- this includes my biological family, my church family, my school family, my CRU family, my Sky Ranch family and every other family that I have... I love them and I can't believe the Lord has blessed me so much with such amazing people in my life. It's kinda like taylor swift writing songs about everyone in her life... if you come into my life, don't be surprised if you end up on the blog (especially if you mess with one of them... then it's REALLY on!) ;)
• Lastly, I try to live in a way my life is completely devoted to the Lord. I have a growing relationship with the Lord who I believe died for my sins on the cross and rose again three days later defeating death. Because of that I am saved and will spend eternity in His presence praising him. And I'm SO excited about it. :)

If you can accept those things, I think we're good to go. I have no idea how often I'll update this, or how exciting it will be, but it's going to be fun... I'm just sayin :)